Why do toddlers have SO many tantrums?

Tantrums + Quarantine

Well in these quarantine times I am sure you are seeing a rise in tantrums because children in the toddler stage do not understand what is going on. They see completely in black and white terms. All they know is they are no longer going to the playground, museums, classes, etc. They may be having really big emotions at this time due to the sudden changes but they do not have the words to explain or understand what is going on. It is a lot for us all but some toddlers have had a big change to their life like my son. We went out everyday. He had classes every week. We had a lot of routine and it is weighing on him. He asks me to go to the park and outside all the time. He wants to go see the books at the library. Right now saying we can’t, could feel like I don’t want to take him or that there is something wrong. 

In general tantrums are VERY common. It is not just your child who has them. Every single child has them at varying degrees. It is developmentally normal for your child to have tantrums and I would be concerned if a child did not. When a child has a tantrum they do it in front of you because they trust you. It is a way of being vulnerable and needing to be seen. That is why often when they are with other people or others are around they behave better. Developmentally the brain is going through a lot. It is learning how to feel for the first time. How to process emotions and what each emotion means. 

Somethings you want to remember are that it is not about you and don’t make it personal. Toddlers do not want to be upset anymore than you want them upset. They also can not think rationally yet. We often hold them to a standard of a grown adult and even then many do not know how to properly process emotions. 

Sooo.. how do you handle these tantrums?

You need to be conscious throughout a tantrum. You need to remind yourself that they are not doing this to upset you and that it is not personal. Our ego likes to tell us stories like other peoples kids are well behaved and that we are not parenting right so we get angry and take it out on our children. Conscious thought is the only way to work through this. 1.) Reminding yourself that your child’s brain is not developed enough to understand that not getting a toy isn’t a big deal. 2.) Talking them through the emotion and giving them words to learn to express their big emotions. That is your only job is to help them learn how to process and not take it personally. If you can do these two you will handle tantrums properly.

Now you are thinking but sometimes I am about to lose it with the tantrums. They never end! I understand. So during these times you can do things to reground yourself. Ask yourself questions, walk away and take 10 deep breaths. If you do this you will have a better response every time. It is better to walk away and come back with a good response than putting shame on your children. Words are very powerful and so are our reactions. Remember you are in control of your emotions and words. No one can make you feel or think anything without your permission. Through conscious thought you can show up as the parent you want to and with practice it will get easier. Right now we have a lot of practice on our hands. 

Thanks for reading! Leave a comment with your thoughts! 

Love,

E. Maloku